So...Germany

This one's gonna have to be broken up into segments. I figure I should share the chenanigans that took place over the course of the past month that I haven't been around. So much cool stuff happened that I couldn't very well force you to read a book all at once, sooooooo.... Today I introduce the cast and plot of our lil adventure. Enjoy!

They are the best of times, they are the worst of times…

 

 

(Get ready for SO many words!!!)

                So, Germany…

                It’s funny how many things can happen in so short a period of time. I’ve been slated (blessed if you will) to have the privilege of being a team leader on an OPFOR deployment rotation. My 6 person element was selected from among a group of thirty to play a part in training up the largest rotation of multinational forces ever at Hohenfels. When I tell you it was a measure of a soldier’s character for this minute scout force, I MEAN it. Days on end without oversight or big element protection; complex maneuvers requiring the most disciplined practices and exercise of flexible thinking in a ridiculously dynamic situation; constantly facing odds stacked well in favor of your enemy and a supporting element that sees you and your small presence easily forgotten or ignored. Given all of these shitty circumstances coupled with bad weather plus many more fairly taxing trials, I couldn’t be more proud of whom I was assigned with.

                See, here’s the thing: I already love my job in the Army. That kinda makes any real hardship almost impossible to truly register in the same regard as my boys.

“Oh no, the weather sucks!” = “Eh, I’ve been to Iraq twice, therefore: worse”

“Tsk! MRE’s again!” = “Free ninety nine! #savingmoneydoe!”

“THREE DAYS on mission in a hide sight?!?! No tent; No hot chow; cold windy and rainy without the possibility of shooting (notionally) ANYONE?!” = “I’m currently 7000 miles away from home in a beautiful and picturesque location doing some ghost squad shit, being invisible on top of a hill, in a 1000 year old castle, in the middle of Germany with some of the best people I know! Fuck yeah I’m alright!” (ß-true story doe)

 That being said, the other things they’re able to brush off their shoulders grate on my nerves like a Hanoi Hotel torture victim. Little shit like:

“I swear, if I have to sign one more hand receipt…”

“Where the hell IS that hand receipt?”

“Shit! Where’s the item the hand receipt’s for!”

“DAFUQ YOU MEAN WE DON’T HAVE BATTERIES FOR THIS EXPENSIVE PIECE OF SHIT! WHY ARE WE BRINGING IT OUT THEN!!”

Etc….

 

But I digress. There are so many things I want to say but don’t know how. There are others that I know what to say but feel the words themselves aren’t enough. And then there are just things beyond words how to correlate what’s going on in my head to you with… just… Look, you’re just missing out on how amazing the things I’ve been able to see are!

So where to begin with this lil story-o-mine? I think I’ll start and spend the majority of the time talking about the most important aspect of this adventure of mine, the people. For privacy’s sake, I’ll use pseudonyms instead of their real names but you’ll come to appreciate the characters of this tale the way I have if I do a decent job of narrating. =) My primary team consists of Bear, Momo, Beibs, Taz, Skater and of course me, G.

Taz gets his name simply because that’s who/what he reminds me of, a Tasmanian devil! Imagine (if you will) a 5’7” Filipino guy who looks like a Mexican and, when given the opportunity, unleashes a level of energy and quick reacting response the likes of which only an NFL prospective running back (true story! You don’t know him only cause of a knee injury!),can deliver. Rough upbringing is a major theme for the guys of my “Rat Pack” but his story seems of particular note. Raised in Cali with not the best of education systems. He nevertheless overcame whatever academic shortcomings that may have befallen him by being damn good at busting his ass in athletics. Particularly, football. So good, in fact, three big name schools were recruiting him pretty early on in life. Theeeeennn his knee decided to quit. Pop! There goes the dream. Money, chicks, fame: gone! What to do now though? Enter, ARMY!!! Being all you can be from Cali to Washington. Two tours, two demotions and a whole lotta wildcard circumstances later, I now have one of the most experienced (both in life and the Army) soldiers in our crew. His reliability waxes and wanes when in the rear next to the real world, solely due to some chaotic choices made, but when it comes to being ‘in the box’, there are few I count among his equal in necessity. He’s a character among characters to everyone he comes across. His semi-accented speech pattern only accentuates the comedic level of his sentence deliveries and he’s one of the best father’s I know. His presence here is much appreciated.

Momo is a fellow E5 who has overseas experience and a storied personal life himself. A father at 15, black sheep of the family, 5’6” Italian kid who’s life has been one bright idea after another with an intelligence that belies some bad circumstances he’s been in. Granted, having a penis while being a father in Washington State seems to be verboten by the child custody authorities out here but, we men still think with the wrong head sometimes. Don’t misconstrue my words to mean condescension, though. His expertise in all things Bradley fighting vehicle related are more than invaluable in clutch real world “Oh shit! What just happened” situations. I/we look to him for a technical reassurance of anecdotal claims. Our personal military Webster sometimes, his random outbursts of non-contextual Army knowledge may not be immediately appreciated, but is ultimately proven to be the bug in your ear that becomes a useful tidbit of understanding when you least expect it. Now to keep him on the topic that’s ACTUALLY being talked about… lol Love that guy.

Skater’s a guy who used to live up to his namesake as a kid. Gone are those days though, having also become a cool ass dad pretty early in life. 5’9”-6’5” depending upon which convenience store he’s walking out of at a given moment. He actually plays half of a dynamic duo from my home unit whom, upon meeting, immediately became twins. (We’ll call his brother, ‘JT Lite’ for now) The type of guy you would never want to avoid hanging out with, this tall lanky white kid is about as down to earth and current trending as it gets, without the added doucheiness of being a full on hipster (THANK GOD!) Though 155 lbs. soaking wet, he’s strong enough to outperform most of his peers who would otherwise look like they dwarf him in size and strength. Now, before you get all, “You’re pretty complement thick here”, and “It seems like the positives are being leaned on pretty heavily,” KNOW that I genuinely have a hard time finding anything wrong with this guy! He’s comp sci literate, on his way to a degree in said field with position possibilities in pretty much any location he applies to out here. He’s well dressed, well spoken, ridiculously chill, hilarious and hard charging when the challenge the cool shit we get to do! Hard to complain or find any negatives with this 24 year young dude when he’s a person you choose to rely on that consistently exceeds standards and expectations. (Especially expectations to the prejudgemental eye!)

Bear is an exception to our little roughneck rule here. Well poised to be a golden child as far as Army leadership is involved, (He’s young E5) and having no deployments hasn’t really been a factor in his ability to be an early veteran. A big but lean bear of a guy who’s strong as an ox, handsome as a star and clean as a comic book sidekick (well… okay bad analogy but you get the point. He’s no saint but you’d trust him on sight dammit!) This soft spoken, (In a Clint Eastwood, not Piglet sort of way…) and kind hearted brute of an individual has the demeanor of Peyton Manning and his offensive line when it comes to getting shit done. You’d be hard pressed to find a cleaner cut individual here as well, (Hence him being the Black Sheep of the pack) and he’s got this... Hodor-like ability to lift heavy shit and put it on his back to carry around wherever he goes (He’s really strong!) This young guy is humble and learning to lead by following more than anything. Me having the experience of the group means we stick together more often than not but trust me when I say I lean on him for mission advice about as much as he leans on me.

Rounding out my compatriots we have a third party kid, from another unit, who I call, Beibs. So named, (I hope obviously) because of his very, very, VERY Beiberish like appearance and age. 21 only recently as of this writing, Beibs… how can I put this politely?... has the demeanor of a whipped puppy. Just eager as all get out to please and run in any particular direction with no particular forethought on how to actually get something done. Tact was never really introduced up in Alaska where his major defining characteristic of being the black sheep of his half-Inuit, half-Norwegian family simply meant he’s the runt of the litter. 6’1” and barely 150 lbs. soaking wet, he can nevertheless run like a gazelle and has a chipper, happy-go-lucky-with-tons-of-random-slang-thrown-in-there attitude that really underlines his innocence of the world. He likes when we “go hard” and to be “hella fresh.” Reminds us when he’s about to “curb out” and when he likes something we do its “mad tight yo.” We’re all “bro” to both him and ourselves and its these little idiosyncrasies that make it easier to have ‘mad patience’ with his lack of experience. To be fair, I’d space out sometimes too if I was able to be as happy as he is on a regular basis.

                So that’s my team! We’re part of whole platoon of other interesting and unique characters like The LT, Rey Rey, Lil Rey, Rambo, Hutch, Pretty Boy, Chongo, The Chollo, Real Life Flanders and many others. Ultimately though, we just came to fuck shit up. >=)